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Seven Steps to Learning the Language of Sex to Improve
Your Sex Life
Krista A. Bloom, PhD, LCSW
The Language of Sex
is a language that we learn by trial and error, or not at all. Did you
know that learning how to talk about sex can improve your sex life? The
language of sex has traditionally been an unspoken language as far as
talking goes, but the body language aspect has remained strong behind
closed doors. The language of sex has either consisted of silence or
scandals.
Sex has been a taboo
topic for
over a thousand years. Maybe you whisper about sex and romance to your
best friends, chat online or read about sex, but sex remains largely a
sinful subject. And yet the whole world seems to know who is sleeping
with Brad, Angelina, Jen, or Ben in the tabloids, and on TV. The
media/Hollywood version of sexuality is not a fair commentary about what
happens in the bedroom.
Talking about sex
with your partner
or communicating in
some way about sex may seem scary at first, but it can help you improve
your sex life. So how can you and your partner begin to break taboo and
talk?
Here are the seven
steps to the language of sex
as a beginner’s
guidebook to this hot topic.
Step 1: Give
yourself permission
to learn the language of sex. No one taught you how to speak it before;
it’s a fantastic time to learn now. Work through the fear; you have a
right to have a happy sex life!
Step 2: Make a list
of what you already know
about sex. Whether it is one fact or a hundred things, just jot down
some notes about it.
Step 3: Think about
the things that you most enjoy doing sexually.
Write down the top 3 things you like to do sexually. If you are unsure
of what those are, think back to your favorite experiences that involved
intimate touching.
Step 4: Try reading
the list aloud to yourself about what you enjoy sexually.
You can also add in what else you would like to try sexually.
Step 5: Think of
ways that you could share your desires with your partner.
Practice saying
aloud: “What I really enjoy is when we…..” (You fill in the blanks; it’s
your sex life after all!)
Step 6: Invite your
lover to a sexy and romantic date
so that you can start practicing the language of sex together (this is
the fun part!)
Step 7: Try
different techniques to express yourself!
Start slow and go
easy at first. You can write a short note for them to read, or whisper
in their ear, or show them what you enjoy with your body. Think about
the ways your partner likes to receive things, and what they respond to.
Learning the
language of sex may be a bit awkward in the beginning, but it gets
easier and you may find that the sex gets hotter for both of you,
because you are able to have more fun together. One last tip: if you ask
your partner a couple of questions about what turns them on, you will
really crank up the heat.
Copyright Krista Bloom
2007
 Ask
the Sex Therapist Column
Krista Bloom, PhD,
LCSW;
Certified Sex Therapist,
serving South Florida
Question:
How can I improve my sex life? Do you have any tips for me on how to
keep things interesting for us as a couple?
The quick answer to this question is, it depends!
Every person has sexual needs or affection needs. There is no right or
wrong type of sexual activity. It’s all based on who you are as a
person, and whether or not you are match. Here are some tips to enhance
what you might already be doing in (or out of) the bedroom.
1.
Talk sexy.
Let your partner know what you would like to do to them. Sometimes you
can use intrigue, and set up a surprise for them.
2.
Offer a massage.
Massage is great for circulation, relaxation, and
getting in the mood for love for many couples. Try warming up some
scented massage oil in your hands. Use slow, firm strokes up and down
your partners back, legs, arms, and feet. This is a technique sure to
heat up anyone’s day or night.
3.
Read an erotic story:
Most bookstores carry erotic story books. Select
one and have your partner close their eyes while you read a sensual
story to them.
4.
Play in a hot shower.
Hot showers are a great place to take your time caressing, kissing and
giggling together. You can even turn out the lights and turn on the
candles.
5.
Try on a new role.
How about some fantasy role play for you?
You can pick out parts to play for the night and act out your sexual
fantasies together.
Your ability to ‘get in the mood’ even when you’re
not initially can go a long way to improve your sex life. Take a risk;
try something new!
If you want to have a great sex life, then you need
to put energy in that direction. Many couples I see have different
ideas about sexuality, and need some guidance or coaching through these
issues. The important thing is to learn what you like and how to get
your needs met!
Fun And
Fabulous Returns to Hustler
-
Workshop and special book signing of The Ultimate
Compatibility Quiz for Couples, Find the Green, Red and Black Flags
in Your Relationship!
-
Free audio CD raffles and other Special Offers
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Limited seating is still available for RSVP's to
DrBloom@healingcouch.com
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